The Princess Chronicles

        it’s strange to think how relationships– friendships and such– are always nothing short of a miracle.

"…even the best fall down sometimes
even the wrong words seem to rhyme
out the doubt that fill my mind,
i somehow find: you and i collide."
                            -Collide, Howie Day

ODDITIES.
        in the midst of a world filled with regularity and routines, it’s amazing and amazingly UNCOMMON how people still seem to connect.
        Julie Delpy said, "if there is a god out there, he isn’t within any one person, but in the attempt people make to get closer to one another. he’s in that little space between you and me. yes. it must be in the attempt."

WORLDS.
        you have one and i have one. everyone has their own story. it was once said that the number of separate worlds there are in this little planet earth is exactly the number of people living in it. and the number of NON-separate ones are that times infinity.

        the miracle is in the collision of yours and mine. we fused…

        so thanks. i am an entire fairytale book because of all of you.

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

–Gilda Radner–

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        i am learning how to be contented with the blessings i am receiving in this lifetime and yet i couldn’t stop but think that the happiness and contentment that i am feeling right now can be over and replaced by misery anytime, anywhere. it’s actually quite a contradiction to my positive outlook on life. (as a mystic-in-training, that’s what’s expected… after many gruelling hours of seminars attended, books read, meditation kits, etcetera)

        i hate to admit it but i am petrified that one day something really bad will happen and that’s it all the good is gone, my life’s over. fear of the unknown can really get to me sometimes but somehow despite the uncertainties, i still feel compelled to go on and indulge. after all, youth won’t always be in us and we only have this one chance on life. Gilda Radner was right, life is a delicious ambiguity…and i believe i am taking the best portions of it with each passing day… and some days i just try to see the good in it. you see, without the bad, the good ain’t that good.

   —–waiting in vain—– 

so i wait…
as the seconds turn into minutes
the minutes into hours
the hours to days
when time moves in slow motion
it isn’t easy to lose count
is this what forever feels like?
if it is, then i dread
that i will not be able to outlive it

but i will wait…
even as the seconds pass by like years
the minutes into centuries
the days into millenia
each dreadful moment
lasting an eternity
even as time fades into oblivion
leaving me here, waiting
for my world to turn and move
for the clock to strike a nerve
and free me from this catatonia

        how many times have you refused asking for help just because you did not want to bother people with your own problems? how many times have you turned down help just when you really needed it? needless to say, you have somehow learned how to become independent without you knowing it. that’s good. but you know what, not until you become dependent on someone that you’ll realize just how important it is to have a friend, a lover, or family to watch your back every time you make mistakes or you encounter difficulties in life…

        i have to admit this, i’ve had my own share of living an independent life, living in my apartment alone for a year already. and of course, a very dependent and worry free life under the bounty of my parents, the acceptance of my friends and basically the support of people that i’ve granted access to my life. and here’s a precious piece of advice that i learned; to admit that you are weak doesn’t mean you’re weak…it only means that you acknowledge your own imperfection. now that’s bravery!

to the people i worried sick… thanks for taking the time out to take care of me. my lil angel, my mom, my pop, bro and my bestfriend… i’m feeling much better now.

“no matter how ordinary your life is, a sprinkle of faith can turn it into a fairy tale” - Jamie (12th of may 2005)

        humans are more often than not creatures of habit. sometimes we get stuck in the routine of our lives that everything in it becomes so ordinary. you wake up, feed yourself, do personal stuff, go to work, go home, be idle, do work at home then finally sleep, the next day you wake up and do the same things with only a few variations and a few surprises here and there.. and voila—that’s how your life looks like. life becomes so mundane that it starts to become meaningless or trivial to you.

        but in most cases, you and i know that this springs untrue. little miracles happen each day no matter how meaningless you perceive your life right now…if we only take the time to notice it. take comfort in the fact that God has something in store for you. countless and endless are the things that are bound to happen to us everyday.. we probably come across miracles without knowing it… Sadly, only a few are able to appreciate life because only a few look at the brighter side of things.

        i’ve been able to appreciate the things i have in my life, including insignificant events and coincidences, but admittedly i still am learning how to make each day worthwhile. what i am trying to get at is that whether you’re feeling stressed out or carefree, happy or depressed something ordinary can turn into something so big it can change your life forever. be attentive and look out for those moments because you’ll never know what life has to offer you next.

        these are the things that i have to say about writing. writing is not easy. when i was younger, i imagined that writing was easy, but as i grow older, i realize that in order to produce something that even i would want to read, i must work hard, prune my prose, work my lines, worry my stories until they read the way i want them to read. there is relevance of course, i’m still wondering why i write what i write. on some days, i know why, on some days, i’m just driven. on some days, i just groan because i don’t have enough time to write and be a student, a nurse, a friend and a daughter all at the same time. which reminds me…i still have tons of projects to be submitted this week, and i still have to study for the finals. oh and i scheduled this get together thing with some of my friends… time to burn my eyebrows and study, or better yet plan what to wear.

        when my friends ask me why i still bother to do all of these. "look," i’ll say. "i have to."

        at the back of my mind i am saying, “it’s all done out of love…” ;p

        boredom strikes me again. summer classes are about to finish and finals are just around the corner. after that school’s starting again… time to snap back to reality, grab my reading glasses, nurse’s cap and put my best face for the patients. it has been a really relaxing and dreary seven weeks of summer class. i was out with my friends just a while ago, had dinner followed by a short discourse about how each of us were. all of them are working already, i wanted to work but hospital duty for next semester is hindering me to do so. one of my friends talked me into applying as a part time employee of a certain company near my school, pay is good, 5 hours of work a day and all you have to do is talk…talk…and sell. talk about a really trite job. but despite of that working in one of those firms is becoming a fad nowadays. i can’t blame people going into this venture, it’s a high paying job with less work. plus the fact that it only concerns no-thinking-involved- tasks…and no growth in career. (unfortunately, some would kill for jobs like this, or better yet they think it is a job to die for! LOL) although communication skills are enhanced when you look at the job closely, it really isn’t that rewarding.

        i for one, do not want to be monotonous in my day to day activity… i want adventure.. i don’t want that dull desk work, i am looking for an intrepid job that involves thinking and stimulation… so where do you get your boost if you just talk to stubborn customers, shrewd clients and really obnoxious consumers… eeeeww! i want to slap myself in disbelief when i tried to ask my parents’ permission to allow me to work and study at the same time. they didn’t agree to the idea because they wanted me to focus on things i really want to do, after all i do not really want to work there. my mom even tried to persuade me not to apply by compensating for the salary just so I wouldn’t have to work… (winner! yeah i wish) anyways, i’m just gonna do it for the fun of it, the experience and the moolah. alas, call centers.. here i come! Hahaha basically my point in writing this blog is to convince myself NOT to work, but what can I do, it’s the only endeavor that allows me to do schoolwork, not be too stressed out since it only entails talking and earn big time! What a loser!

        another sleepless night; i am studying and she is finishing a project for work. despite the deadlines, sleep deprivation and stress she would still prepare my favorite meal just so i won’t fall asleep. on the other hand, i would make her a cup of her favorite sumiyaki coffee. my favorite part of nights like this is when we take our breaks from each other’s works and have a friendly and entertaining conversation. as i watch her scour through tons of paper works in front of her, i’m reminded of how indebted and lucky i am for having this person in my life. i tried to remind myself of the things she would do for me and the things we do together…

- after late night gimmicks i would creep to her bed, wake her up to say, “i’m here, i got home safely.” i would see her nod her head as a response, sometimes reach for me and kiss me. sometimes she would ask how my gimmick went. how my friends are doing. she seemed so interested in my life and how i’m coping with trivial and not so trivial problems that are getting in my way. mostly, she just wants to sincerely know how I am.

- during our free time we would go shopping, we are the best critique of each other’s taste. being the young at heart and in taste that she is, we would often end up buying the same thing, and sometimes even the same color… we would often laugh at the flabs, promise to go on diet and the gym together and bawl over gained weight. the best thing about shopping with her, everything’s on her… hehehe although there are some exceptions for this, she always reminds me how hard it is to get money these days, reprimand me of bills due, excess credit limits, etcetera

- many lazy nights spent playing cranium or watching crazy foreign tv series. we both despised them at first, but we later on got hooked to it that we can’t stop putting the next cd on the player only to realize that it’s friggin 4 am already.

- how she would call me up midday to say “inuman tayo mamaya”, “let’s drink later,” or sometimes i’ll be the one inviting. she help me calm my nicotine cravings and warn me of its bad effects. or during times that we both aren’t busy we would have occasional dinners, movies and shopping galore

- how I would bug her at YM whenever she’s online, she would tell me she’s busy but would reply to me with gusto, saying “i love you, i’ll get back to work.”

- every now and then, she would call me through my mobile to check on me or whenever I got the chance to, I would call her up just to say “i love you, goodnight, take care and i miss you”

- we’re always allies whenever we’re playing cranium. her forte is the humdinger part while mine is the lexicon/ngilleps part.

- she would flaunt how successful her projects at work are, show off how much commission she was given and ask what we wanted to do… it’s on her, whatever, wherever!

- she’s the one responsible for my belief in power of the mind. she made me believe in myself and what i can do and who i can be. i wanna tell her that she is the wind beneath my wings, my shoulder to cry on, my listening ear, my bestfriend… and every other mushy clichés one can think of.. i would sound nonsensical if i say she’s the greatest… but of course, she’s the only one i’ve got.

        if only God gives commissions for all the things that you do for us, you’ll surely be filthy rich, you deserve more than that..hmmm… my mom! i love her very much. she plays so many roles in my life—my unsung hero, my fairy godmother, kabarkada, a sister, companion, guilty conscience, laughing buddy, shopping and lait partner, my everyday source of inspiration, sakit ng ulo… but mostly, she IS MY MOTHER-it is what she does best… i want to take this opportunity to tell her how sorry i am, if there are times when i do not seem to listen nor care to whatever she is saying, and for the times i am so hard headed, to the many heartaches, headaches plus the oh-so-many credit stings.. LOL. i have a thousand reasons to be thankful for because I have her around, her sacrifices, her time, her caring ways just everything about her being a mom… i don’t really know, but i must have done something really good in my past life to deserve her … just so you know… you’re still that person I would choose to have and be with if i were to be given a chance to choose who my mother will be. I love you mama. Happy Mother’s Day!

I find this article really appealing, encouraging and stirring –in the sense that you’ll realize that there really is such thing as fate, and that maybe somebody out there is just like you wishfully thinking of meeting their soulmates and pondering on what the stars have lined up for him or her… i just have to share it here. And I am hoping that you’ll learn from it too…

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with … and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a long time partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you’re single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You’ll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That’s what the one that got away is the biggest "What if?" you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married, in which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late? simple … find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away."

From the column READING TWICE By Mark J. Macapagal