The Princess Chronicles

        father’s day way back high school, i was asked to write a short biography about my father’s life. in this piece, i wrote about my father’s accomplishments, about his work as an IT specialist around the world, a freelance consultant, etcetera and about him as a father.

         looking back, i realize that a short essay was never enough to encompass the breadth of a man’s life, especially this man. the essence of a man is more than a list of accomplishments and employments, it is more than what words can encompass. in the end, all these lists fade and fall away. what remains is the memory of sunsets shared together, days in the park, short and long drives, picnics along the roadside, laughable and un-laughable jokes heard over and over, games won and lost, driving practice, long talks and walks when we were growing up. time changes us and our memories, until we reach the place where we look at our parents and realize that the distance between us is not so great as we once imagined.

        for those of us who are so blessed, we find ourselves thankful to discover that all along, our parents have been the best friends we’ve ever had.

        happy father’s day to all fathers… especially to the one who’s always there for me (i’m reserving the sappier lines for your birthday! ;p).. happy father’s day papa! love you much.

Playful Circumstance

Must you speak in codes and riddles
Must I fumble for meaning in your tangle of words
Must you sneak your way into my every thought
Must you bewilder and puzzle me senseless
dazed and lost in this web of confusion
Spun by you. . . Spun by me. . .
In this unlikely, unpredictable turn of playful circumstance

Must you haunt me even in the most pleasant of dreams
Must I lose myself in this blind fascination
Must you disarm me with just a word, a touch
that my walls suddenly come crashing down
leaving me trapped in this mess of a rubble
Spawned by you. . . Spawned by me. . .
In this unlikely, unpredictable turn of playful circumstance

Must you leave and disappear without warning
Must I shiver alone in this cold empty ruin
Must you cease my world with such brutal force
that I am left with nothing but casualties of your lost affection
dazed and caught in this web full of scars
Spun by you. . . Spun by me. . .
In this unlikely, unpredictable turn of playful circumstance

For the people who taught me to believe in myself…

        when i was five, the only worry i have was picking out which candy i want my mom to buy for me. in grade school, i was concerned with picking out my playmates, which barbie doll to buy, and my favourite dress. in high school i was concerned with the kind of identity i want to project, the clubs that can enhance my skills, the kind of friends i want to have and the interests that are worth keeping. in college, it was choosing the right course, the right organizations, choosing the circle of friends i want to be in. it was also deciding what kind of future i want for myself. then after graduation, it was between med school and nursing school. i chose the latter.

       from the time i reached the age of reason, choices were handed down to me no matter how important or mundane they were. it felt like i’m a character in a choose your own adventure book where you wait to see what happens if you choose this or that, a or b or c… in real life choosing your very own adventure means you’ll be left wondering what might have been if you had chosen the other. i know i will never able to go back to the beginning of my story and choose another path. i think i speak for every one on this. yet in every decision i keep in mind to have no regrets, no what ifs and no could haves.

        i’m in my 20s now, i know i made some bad choices. my love for spontaneity and getting myself into spur-of-the-moment things got me in trouble at one point or another. sometimes my overtly tactless mouth unintentionally hurt people i cared about. my lack of self discipline and momentary depressions led me to gain more pounds than lose it. my choice to be independent led me to forget some of the values i held dearly. admittedly, there is no one to blame but good old me and my quest to find my purpose in life.

        i feel that i am at this point in my life where one minute i am laughing my heart out at a silly joke and then another i am ranting about the load of schoolwork, trivial inconveniences, the decisions i have to make and basically the kind of life i’m living. then again, at times i find myself going in circles, going nowhere, realizing i made the wrong turn somewhere and got lost. it’s true people my age are at their best and worst times. and sometimes i just don’t know in which category my current situation fits.

        some say take my time, some say it’ll all pass, i know it will, but for now getting through the adventure i chose is my priority. whatever is planned for me, whatever lies ahead of me, if i believe i can make it. i will, i’ll be the heroine of the adventure book, a victor in the end. i have faith in myself, i’m gonna win.

I’ll never give up
Never give in
Never let a ray of doubt slip in
And if I fall
I’ll never fail
I’ll just get up and try again

        it was one of those lazy evenings. i stretched my legs, adjusting my position on the four post bed until i found the best spot. he handed me the remote control, knowing very well that it was time for my favourite chick-ish show. i love him for that.

        empathizing with the actors i sighed, laughed, almost got teary-eyed. he laughed with me, sometimes he gave me that look which told me he’s annoyed every time i give out a ticklish laugh. i can see from his facial reactions that the show had gotten into his nerves. suddenly, he said, "i’m sleepy, i have to wake up early tomorrow i think i’ll go to bed." he started to stand up from where he is seated "no, wait, it’s not over yet. please watch it with me." he hesitated for a moment until he sat next to me again. i love him even more.

        how inconsiderate of me to let him wait. i glanced at him in between commercials. his eyes were almost shut, his breathing much deeper than the usual. from my peripheral view i saw him struggle to keep his eyes open.

        finally, the show came to an end. i glanced upon the clock as it strike past midnight, i turned off the tv and stood up. he said, "hay salamat! can i sleep now?" i gave him the cutest smile i could form on my lips and said with a childish voice, "yes! good nighty! love you, oh and happy birthday!" he gave me this ridiculous smile in return.

        being mr. slapdash, with his clumsy and at times overly careless ways, we would tease him and call him "hari ng sablay" (as in Sugarfree’s current hit.) inspite of this, i am proud that he is my brother. sometimes i worry about him but i guess i would have to leave him on his own to learn his lessons well. i love my bro, although he’s THE hari ng sablay, he still is the best go to guy when i am fed up surviving.