The Princess Chronicles

        when you’re feeling completely emptied out, you either give up or feel the mind-numbing desire to fill yourself back up. sometimes, i just want to give up; i am so thankful that most of the time, i feel like getting jiggy with it instead. "what do you do?", i’m thinking, "when a car’s out of gas?" you don’t just leave it to rot somewhere, right?

        i remember being distraught by that completely nauseating feeling of knowing where you at but remain powerless to pick yourself up, dust away disgrace and present yourself anew. you have no other choice but to succumb to the blow. circle of life, they said, i just always thought of it as a figure of speech, you know? but right now i feel like i’m at the rock-bottom of the wheel.

        the immensity is just too big for me… more than it makes me feel small, knowing that the world is supposed to make sense it makes me feel so…. LOST. is my life supposed to be like this? do i have to be where i am right now? more than lost, i feel i am about to break down and it scares me. it felt like the pink colored spectacles that my happy self was wearing has been broken to pieces. i’m bleeding while the rest of the world is unbelievably elated. 

        but the cliche starts like this: at the end of the day, dot dot dot. what would you add to that? my answer flutters from day to day, minute to minute. but right now, it would be, "at the end of the day, it’s never really the end of the day."

        that’s why we fill the gas tank back up again. because the journey doesn’t stop whenever you feel like stopping. call it a world of people or the circle of life or whatever… all i know is that i’m here, chug-chug-chugging towards all the gas i can get my hands on.

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  MY SELF-ESTEEM IS AT AN ALL-TIME LOW…

        and it’s not one of those weird-sad-no-reason days. it’s been a man-that-hurts-don’t-tease-me-coz-i-will-cry WEEK.
        

        *sigh* i’ve never actually used "*sigh*" before. that’s how down i am.

        someone say something nice please…  

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&nbsp&nbsp  ..:: mood inspired by: Kelly Clarkson’s behind these hazel eyes::..

        it feels so appropriate; when the fine rain— that falls almost everyday, might i add— nags at every inch of you, just when you don’t need it to.
        but it does, it FALLS, all of the goddamn time.
        and it feels appropriate. because it wouldn’t match the emotions nipping at you any other way.

        i’m on the verge of breaking down, and exams are weighing down on me like never ever before. i haven’t slept that much in like two straight weeks already. and when i say not that much, i mean 4 hours of maximum sleep for 48 hours straight. my eyes are killing me and my mind and body coordination gave up on me that i couldn’t even find enough strength to drive myself to school.  photophobic, stressed, dead tired, about to cry, dark circles and struggling to get some greatly deserved zzzzs- yeah you can say that again.. i’ve lost weight, and down one dress size (which is not a bad thing, by the way) already despite my bingeing, constant fondness for anything that says i’m high in fats and calories go on eat me, and my constant cellulosey penchant for coffee…

      so many things have been happening, like the hurricane katrina and all the families she has separated, the first anniversary of the thailand tsunami, the wars in iraq and the political wars here in the philippines, corruption, poverty, homeless people with nothing to eat… and how i have enough guts to complain about my sleeplessness, deadlines and occasional bouts of wryness?!

        stop. breathe. yeeess! because it’s always going to be disheartening, and when you become disheartened, you stop believing, and the moment people stop believing that things can change, is the moment when finally it does stop changing.

        and when you think about how poor we’ve become, how exhausted everything and everyone seems to be, it’s good to go back to thinking that it’s all just a state of mind.

.

..

…

as that blue rubber bracelet says: HOPE.

so here’s to hope; and to the people who can never seem to lose it. i envy you.
"God gives big problems to the strong", they say.

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..:: mood inspired by: Faith Evan’s hope::..

Green sees red
SPY BIZ By S.A. Maguire
The Philippine Star 10/04/2005

A lot of people have noticed that the Green Archers haven’t been
humble in victory and haven’t been gracious in defeat either. In their
second game with Ateneo, Archer Ryan Arana’s Jezebelic belly-dancing
rubbed salt on the Blue Eagle’s wounds. In whose harem did he learn to
gyrate like that anyway? In the third game, Coach Franz Pumaren
unnecessarily called a time-out with just a few seconds left to
display his winning team to the fans. And in the first finals game
last Thursday, a nationwide audience saw La Salle assistant team
manager Manny Salgado’s infamous "batok" on Arwind Santos. FEU coach
Bert Flores then chased Salgado who ran like a frightened cat.

Our La Salle Greenhills Spy-Ring disclosed that Salgado is from HS Class ‘78.
In their drive to be champions again, the Green Archers and staff may
have forgotten the basics of sportsmanship. Because of this, many have
started to root for an FEU victory according to TV surveys taken over
the weekend. It’s clearly a case of the greens seeing red then turning
purple. Naturally, this has made the Eagles fly high and away from
their blues enjoying every minute of their rival’s biggest faux pas.

AN ARCHER’S REACTION:

This is harsh but sadly is just one of the many articles being written about the DLSU Archers after the “incident” last Thursday.  In yesterday’s STAR (October 4), Dong Puno likewise gave his piece on the whole Salgado issue, implying that Sir Manny wasn’t sincere with his apology and saying that Joseph Yeo was the only one seen trash talking on video.  He based everything on the short video clip that was being played and replayed by the various news programs but if he was actually at the venue, watching the game, then he’d know that Arwind is not a saint..he was actually given a warning by the refs for taunting.

This is the moment that everyone has been waiting for, especially the Ateneans.  They lost to us three times this season, a very painful loss for those from the blue side.  They could not say anything about those games because we beat them bad, now this issue gives them a chance to get back at us. Sadly they are taking a very human error and blowing it up into monstrous proportions making it seem as if only someone from La Salle could commit such a mistake.  What people are failing to realise is that by judging and condemning us they are no better, they are falling into the same trap. Our mistake was a physical action, their weapon of choice are words.  “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” - we acknowledged our mistake, we acknowledge our faults. We are only human but for some odd reason they are forgetting that so are they -   human beings capable of making the same mistakes.  The shame is now on them for casting stones with equally sinful hands. 

P.S.  The implication of such columns is that Coach Franz, being the head coach of the Archers is responsible for the "unethical" behaviour of the team…hmmm…. interesting ain’t it?

On Ryan’s dance:  Boys will be boys!  This is college basketball where emotions inevitably run high.  We are forgetting that teams in this league are comprised of teenagers who are still at the prime of their lives trying to enjoy their youth.  Many of these columnists and critics – be they alumni or not are parents with their own adolescent children, they of all people should understand teenagers who are at this stage of their lives.  Sure it may have been wrong to some extent, but Ryan was just trying to enjoy the game.  These guys work their butts off everyday, the least we can give them is enough space to be young men.  Even coach said this after the game, boys will be boys although he knew that it wasn’t the best thing to do but he acknowledged that this is the UAAP where antics like this are all a part of the emotional journey of a college league such as this.  For those who are unaware, Arwind did a little dance too during Game 1 of the Finals, I don’t see anyone making a big deal out of it.  Sure, he was just "doing a ryan" to piss us off but do you see anyone whining about it from our side?  No, because we let them be, they are just young boys after all.

On Coach Franz:  I have the deepest respect for Coach Franz because despite what everyone says, in spite of all the nasty talk that goes on about him he never allows this to faze him. What many don’t see or hear is what goes on during practices, in the dugout and even in the huddles when Coach is with his boys alone without the prying eyes of the media or nosey columnists. He is a doting father to these 14 young men and he teaches them to be tough because of people like Maguire who have nothing better to do but rejoice in the wrongs of others.  Coach knows what everyone says about him and his team and he uses this as his fuel to deliver.  Micky Deles (courtside reporter of Archers) said “In my two years as their courtside never have I heard him say anything to his team that would make them think that they are the best, never was there a time that I felt that he was making his team believe that they were invincible and therefore should boast when they win or appear bitter in defeat.”  He has done nothing but bring out the best in his boys year after year, game after game. He has trained them to play with heart.  He has trained them to play with undying passion. All he has ever wanted from his boys is for them to play what they are capable of playing…he just wants them to shine as they should.  Where is the crime in that?    To all those out there who claim to know how the Archers are trained just shut-up because you know nothing.

"Naturally, this has made the Eagles fly high and away from their blues enjoying every minute of their rival’s biggest faux pas" - Where is the honor in this?  Where is the honor in savoring every minute of someone else’s mistake?  Where is the honor in basking in the satisfaction of knowing that your arch rivals are being laughed at, hated and condemned?  What kind of sick person will forget his/her blues at the expense of someone else’s misery?  Who is being ungracious in defeat now??!!!

(excerpt and edited from REACTION DLSU’s Green Media Group (Hosting Pool))

it’s a family thing…

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family:
Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.

–Jane Howard–

Family life is full of major and minor crises — the ups and downs of health, success and failure in career, marriage, and divorce — and all kinds of characters. It is tied to places and events and histories. With all of these felt details, life etches itself into memory and personality. It’s difficult to imagine anything more nourishing to the soul.

–Thomas Moore–

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        people are lucky because there’s this thing called family. then again maybe some people are luckier because they choose not to have anything to do with their families. i think not and yet either way…a person is only lucky because he chooses to be. it has been proven that no matter what you do, you will still go back to your family.

        being the eldest, i have practically seen my own family at its best and worst. it’s a love and hate relationship for me but at the end of the day, i choose to love. thinking about having my own family is scary and exciting at the same time. it’s a constant sifting of which values to uphold, which traditions to remember, or what things must be thrown out. but how does one adjust to a new family given marriage for example? i know for a fact that when my mom married my dad, she became a new woman by adapting to the ways of my dad’s family (which is not bad at all). is that going to happen to me once i change my surname? i don’t know. maybe not or maybe yes but most probably the important thing to worry about is the family that i’m going to build.

        today, it’s harder to marry at a young age since it’s tough to raise a family. some might marry but won’t have any kids until after a few years or so. what scares me is the fact that i’m even writing this entry, it prolly means i’m already thinking of having one but only when the right time comes. right time meaning – right man, right job, right bank accounts, right family values…etc.

        perfect timing to have one would probably be when i can sleep at night not having to worry about what my child or children will eat the next day, or whether we can send our kid to school or not, or better yet, whether i can give him/her the best things that life has to offer, just like how my mom and dad were able to provide for me and my sibs (high standards of parenting means high standards of becoming a good child.. it’s hard! but i wouldn’t have it any other way) and i mean not just material things but emotional, intellectual, and physical support.

        and though it’s a bit scary to jump into the water, when i feel right about it, i’m gonna go ahead and dive. i guess right now the greater goal is to earn enough money because it sure is hella expensive to raise a family. believe me, i know…my dad has gone from james bond to richard gere with his salt and pepper hair color, mostly salt because of it!

    —

    ..::  mood inspired by: Cranberries’ ode to my family ::..

enter THE HOUSE…