if you wanna be somebody, if you wanna go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention.
the future scares me. i can’t put it more clearly than that.
it’s because of the uncertainty and the endless possibilities of it all. in quantum physics, there’s a theory called Schroedinger’s cat. in a nut shell, it was an experiment where a cat was put inside a box. there’s also a cylinder of poison waiting to be released inside the same box. the theory is that at the moment before the poison is released, the cat is neither dead nor alive. it’s in a state of suspension, a state of infinite possibilites. when the poison enters the box, all the possibilities come crashing down and resulting in a dead cat.
i am reminded of this theory when i think about endless possibilities. when you consider philosophical ideas such as induction and causation, it’s easy to be reminded that nothing is set in stone, that even the idea of cause and effect can be put into analysis. i am bothered by the fact that if i miss one single exam question, it will result into a B+ rather than an A, or 74 instead of 75, resulting in a failed board examination, resulting in me entering a different field altogether. nothing is the result of a single event, it flows like a snowball rolling down a mountain or a ripple becoming a tidal wave. the chaos theory, more specifically the butterfly effect, theorizes that a flap of a butterfly’s wings could very well cause a hurricane on the other side of the world.
to say the honest truth, six years ago, i thought my future was mapped out for me: graduate from med school in six years, having been lucky to grab hold of a spot in one of dlsu’s honors program– human biology, wherein students are to take two years of premed in the main campus & four years medicine proper in the health campus, acquire an internship at the most coveted training hospitals, be a resident surgeon, and then finally specialize in plastic surgery. turns out, things don’t work that way and life is complicated just like that.
lately, i’ve been thinking about what i want to do with my life. half a decade ago, i was sure it would be acting in either stage or film. i would eventually outgrow that lifestyle choice, not that it’s not a noble profession, because it is. it’s more of the fact that i don’t think it’s for me. at least, not anymore. at this exact moment, there’s only three choices i can honestly see for me. the longshot choice, or more accurately, the dream choice, is becoming a world renowned cosmetic surgeon. flying to and from my clinic in new york/miami and paris, and fly to manila on the side. i could see myself doing that, yeah right, in my dreams, but whatever, dreamers go places at least even in their minds. the other two professions would be to become an educator, and the preferable choice, to become a nurse anesthetist.
the possibilites for myself do not end at these three professions. i am both excited and terrified of the simple fact that five years from now, i could be married, i could have a kid, i could still be single, for all i know, i could even be dead. there’s also a good possibility i will no longer want the same things. it is said that the price of getting what you want is getting what once you wanted. i am a firm believer of that sentiment speaking about man’s tendency for being tunnel-visioned, of not seeing the consequences down the road. right now, my wants are based on simple pleasures and grand adventures, wary of the fact that my college life is about to end for me, this time, for keeps.
it is said that the only constant thing in the world is change. to some extent, i agree to that. three years ago, i would not have imagined myself to be the person i am now. back then, i was eternally optimistic and unwaveringly idealistic plus i never even wanted to be a nurse. today, like most philosophy students who’ve let the subject matter take over too much, i’ve found myself bothered by the notions of moral relativism and such matters as utilitarianism and existentialism. it is ironic that i graft myself as an existentialist yet harbor notions of a maligned demon fabricating a world in which only i exist and the fact that months from now, i’ll be taking my oath as a full-pledged registered nurse.
the future is approaching, steadily and unwavering. it is as certain as the sunrise and the sunset. i am not the person i was before, that much is sure. but i am who i am. i am ready to take the next step in my life. the first twenty-one years of my life have taught me harsh lessons, embarrassments i wish to forget and shames that have scarred me. but for that, i am a better person, ready to face tomorrow, knowing that i am ready to conquer it all.
so i say, bring it on. bring it all on.
play the drums like a maniac, 
impersonate people, stay under water for 3 or so minutes, 
i can write rocking yearbook write-ups (in fact, i think i should consider getting
